My Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Experience

“Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder in which people have unwanted and repeated thoughts, feelings, ideas, sensations (obsessions), or behaviors that make them feel driven to do something (compulsions).Often the person carries out the behaviors to get rid of the obsessive thoughts, but this only provides temporary relief. Not performing the obsessive rituals can cause great anxiety. A person’s level of OCD can be anywhere from mild to severe, but if severe and left untreated, it can destroy a person’s capacity to function at work, at school or even to lead a comfortable existence in the home”

Taken from http://www.psychologytoday.com

It was four years ago that it became an issue to me.

It crept upon me slowly and throughout two years it manifested in different forms.

It started from experiencing a lot of stress and eventually OCD took its hold on me.

It thrives on self doubt and this crept into my mind. It consumed my every thought, and every day was a struggle. Irrational thoughts were constant.

I had dealt with OCD when I was young, and it developed after my parents divorced.

Some people are biologically deemed to be more prone to develop OCD, and so if something stressful happens, it’s typically then that it will make itself known.

Thoughts were as follows: “If I don’t tell this person what I just did I will be betraying them in some way”, “Did I just cheat on them?”, “Did I lie?”.

These thoughts would go over and over in my mind until I was exhausted with questioning myself, and trying to work out what was true, or what my mind was leading me to believe.

Sometimes I would write things I thought I did wrong that day and keep them in an envelope.

Going through this has taught me that OCD comes in many different forms and this one particularly was hard as I was in a relationship at the time and it suffered greatly.

It can tear friendships apart and family sometimes.

It’s very difficult to cope with on a daily basis, especially when these thoughts are taking over your every waking moment.

I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. However, it’s very treatable.

Despite this, I learnt the hard way that often the NHS is not doing enough to treat mental health issues, especially before they become a serious issue. The funding and levels of staff are simply not sufficient to sustain the amount of service users.

I went through the whole waiting list to learn there wasn’t a support scheme in place for obsessive compulsive disorder in my area.

So I am currently saving up for intense private sessions at a specialist clinic in Somerset.

Since then I have settled down a bit and have learnt to cope with the thoughts and push them away, but it’s not easy.

I am determined to be in a place where I can manage it and start being happy again.

I’ve accepted that I may always have obsessive tendencies but I hope that it never takes over me like it once did.

I am hopeful 🙂

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