So often we base our self worth on how other’s view us, as if their views are more important that our own.

There are so many times in life, whether we’re dealing with mental issues or not, that we feel worthless. As if we don’t deserve to be enjoying good things, or even be alive at all.

This feeling can be so overwhelming that it overshadows your every moment.

When this overcomes me I like to take a deep breath and remind myself that feelings are not always factual no matter how strong they are.

It’s ok to doubt yourself, just as it is ok to be self assured, but gaining the balance between the two is something I haven’t quite mastered yet and I’m ok with that for now, it’s a learning process. I’ve learnt that self doubt doesn’t have to be negative as long as it’s not completely based on what others may think.

Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy. The doubt isn’t always planted by others. The way we view ourselves has as much of an impact on our views of self worth.

People may think this is such a trivial thing to blog about, but for those who have been stuck in the downward spiral, it’s anything but.

Doubting yourself, no matter where the thoughts come from can cause you to lose confidence in your ability to make decisions. Maintaining relationships become increasingly difficult as often you have more confidence in the other person’s views than your own. The more you trust the guidance and opinions of others, the more you lose your own reasoning, which often ends in your sense of identity and worth fading into the background.

This can quickly lead to not knowing who you are as a person, and therefore your self confidence lowering further, which is followed by you sense of value, and so the downward spiral begins.

But I’ve learnt that self worth isn’t based on how other people see you. I’ve found it’s based in your morals, your values and who you are as a person.

It’s not about having that all worked out, or being entirely tunnel visioned on your views, but about how you keep an open mind to always better yourself. Life is always changing and whether you realise t or not at the time, so are you.

If I want you to know one thing, it’s that each and every one of you reading this are precious, and can’t be replaced, and those people who can see that and value you will truly be your life long friends.

Not everyone you meet will agree with you, or see your value, just as you may not yet either, but that’s ok. You don’t have to have it all sorted yet, I just urge you to try to find that acceptance of yourself. Not everyone you meet will click with you, but that doesn’t mean your worth decreases, just as it doesn’t mean theirs does.

Life is about finding who you are and I hope that in time you’ll realize you don’t have to be perfect, and achknowledging your self worth isn’t arrogant, but your right as a human being.

I guess what I’m trying to say it’s ok to recognize your flaws and still value yourself. It’s ok to have things you need to work on but realize you’re worthy of love and acceptance just as everyone else is and that your worth isn’t based on how other people see you, or in fact at times how you see yourself. I’ve learnt that it’s often those who truly care about us most as individuals and who know us deeply that help us find true worth and purpose, but it’s up to us to find that for ourselves; to find what we feel we are and aren’t worthy of, for after all we only accept the things we really believe we deserve.

Whether it’s love, acceptance, friendship, or more practical things such as support, we set the bar for how people treat us and what we receive and I’ve learnt that whether I feel like it or not, I’m worth being treated well just as each of you are too.

I’ll leave you with this analogy:

“You think because he doesn’t love you that you are worthless. You think that because he doesn’t want you anymore that he is right — that his judgement and opinion of you are correct. If he throws you out, then you are garbage. You think he belongs to you because you want to belong to him. Don’t. It’s a bad word, ‘belong.’ Especially when you put it with somebody you love. Love shouldn’t be like that. Did you ever see the way the clouds love a mountain? They circle all around it; sometimes you can’t even see the mountain for the clouds. But you know what? You go up top and what do you see? His head. The clouds never cover the head. His head pokes through, beacuse the clouds let him; they don’t wrap him up. They let him keep his head up high, free, with nothing to hide him or bind him. You can’t own a human being. You can’t lose what you don’t own. Suppose you did own him. Could you really love somebody who was absolutely nobody without you? You really want somebody like that? Somebody who falls apart when you walk out the door? You don’t, do you? And neither does he. You’re turning over your whole life to him. Your whole life, girl. And if it means so little to you that you can just give it away, hand it to him, then why should it mean any more to him? He can’t value you more than you value yourself.”

– Toni Morrison

 

Lucy Roberts

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