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They say an emotion lasts 12 – 16 seconds,
but they reckon,
it’s what our mind does that threatens,
with weapons of flashbacks and bad memories.
Looping over;
How are we supposed to ‘live in the moment’,
When our opponent that lives up in our heads,
Rewinds and replays all the bad things we’ve said?
So our focus shifts on the negative instead
and we can’t see towards the vast future ahead.

The worst nights are when you’re sitting there shivering,
fingers are tingling, other patients are whispering.
An A & E waiting room is no place for a crisis.
It’s three in the morning but we don’t care what the time is.
Faced with disorderly conduct, feel totally lucked out,
Branded yet another ‘self-destructor’ tucked under a blanket.
The budget is tight ’cause the government drank it.
“Look after yourself, we’ll book you a taxi”.
No beds available so sent home with a tablet.

There’s people in this field who have the compassion,
but their kicked in the shins when the budget is rationed.
Staff stuck behind desks like a common observer,
Assessing the risks but can’t get any further.
Expected to be the next miracle worker,
Because there’s too much to manage for every case worker.

And it’s worrying to think that it’s terribly rare,
That there’s one in a million who actually care.
Who gets us in order,
Keeps our head above water,
Becomes your understander and your biggest supporter.

Because we call on the ‘self-harmer’
And that won’t stop the alarm bells,
But it does make us calmer.
With every branding and tarnish,
It helps us strengthen our armour.

But we do what we can to manage the moment,
With the different components they’ve helpfully shown us.
So when the dark days loom over,
And the awful thoughts own us,
We desperately search for strength in the hopeless,
And get stuck in the fog that eventually chokes us.

But if our brains are kind of plastic,
And the cells can rearrange,
Then there’s certainly hope that bad patterns can change.
With practise makes perfect, so it doesn’t resurface,
Constantly going around in a circuit,
And it feels like we’re stuck in a loud busy circus.

The answer is purpose.
Whether or not we think we deserve it.
Serve it, and use all our strength to keep striving.
Because we are survivors.
Surviving the demons, those painful reminders.
The reason we stand through the things that despise us.
Because we are survivors.

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